fresh again

I HAVE MOVED (:

2009-08-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

(: - saneitiny.livejournal.com

_________________________________________________________________________

heart and mind, a moment together.

2009-08-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

Im suppose to chiong ITI journals now, but still have to read some article that ezzat has convinced me to be interesting. guess i blog abit to get my mind working on the early morning. oh and it's 930am now. it's irritating how my blog's timing is always wrong. it's behind time for like 15hours. /:

i was walking home with dinner yesterday when i saw this scene.

at the cake shop: a daddy was holding two children, they were chinese speaking. they don't look like they had a lot of education. they don't look very rich. the children, both boys were about 7,8 years of age. daddy was talking to the cake shop keeper, i heard him ask 'how much?'

the shopkeeper says 'ten dollars, eighty cents.'

when i turned to look they were all staring at the small chocolate cake in the display. and one of the boys, the older one i think, was tugging at daddy's hand.

daddy asked him 'you want is it?' (in chinese).

then the next thing i heard was, 'er, okay la, i buy.'

it just got me thinking as to how many times this would have happened in a child's life. as a child grows up. how parents or grandparents would throw away money just to make their kids smile.

it reminded me of, popo.

i remember when i was a little girl, popo took me out to westmall to walk around. i was feeling cold and i told her about it. we weren't really doing anything, just shopping for a few stuff.

then she brought me into tom & stephanie, and to the jackets section. a blue jacket caught my eye, and she noticed. she bought it down for me without thinking much. i remember it was twenty odd bucks.

and just because, i was cold.

the stupid thing is that i no longer wear that jacket anymore. it's too small for me. but everytime i think back,

popo just loves me too much.

it doesn't take a psychology student to think and encounter various emotional incidents portraying human behavior between relationships. even a cake shop aunty might see this everyday.

if i were a cake shop aunty and i see this everyday, would i get numbed to it? or would i still think so much? haha.

mmm.
okay now, back to work! today journals due 5pm. tmr biblio due 3pm. monday iti report due 5pm. tuesday, iep paper.

sigh.

painful thoughts

2009-08-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

For Aihui,

suddenly thought of that day when i was sitting at the table outside fc6 with dadp, suddenly saw this group of people carrying cute big yellow glowing balloons. balloons just make my day. i immediately wanted one. and then i saw aihui, so i got one from her. my fellow dadpians were excited too. think its just a dadp thing. haha. then we took childish photos and everything. it was some campaign to choose to be happy or something. haha, so we 'chose' to be happy and happily took away the balloons and the smiley clips they gave us. haha, and this really nice namecard things that say:

whatever thoughts are causing you pain they are only thoughts. Happiness is a daily decision.

i suddenly think of Michelle when i read this. i used to tell her how we can control being happy or not. but now, it's me myself who can't seem to do it. Michelle darling, are you happy now? i hope you are. i'd be too.

i'd try.

i guess i've been thinking too much. cause there's just so much to think about. the worse thing is that, its not the work thats putting me down, it's the emotional factor in this whole process, where i'm not happy inside, but i am that you all are. where i face the loneliness, to take away yours. where i cannot afford to be disorganised just cause i'll lose out. not cause i'll fail, but cause i'd be lonely. where everything in this world is based on merit. and im not talking about studies. where i can't afford to be complacent, cause i'm simply not perfect. where i just..

need to keep reminding myself that.

yes, maybe i'm thinking too much, to hurt myself. i pray Lord you'd grant me more optimistism in my life.

cause wad's causing me pain are only thoughts, and i can control, happiness is a daily decision, it's my decision, gail.

i realise everyday.

2009-08-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

my throat hurts so bad. as though the skin inside my throat has been scrubbed by a scrub or something. these few weeks many things have happened in this little life of mine.

1) i realise im an ESFP. though i know through all that i'm going through, im gonna turn J soon.
2) i opened up to a classmate, almost everything about me. everything that made me to who i am now.
3) i realise, a person's experience and family background makes up the whole of someone's character. and siblings play a big big part.
4) i'm too stubborn.
5) i realise wearing high heels isn't a very nice thing.
6) i lack sleep once again.
7) i bought a little pink netbook. but am too lazy to go configure. i don't even have microsoft office. hahaha.

next week ive a total of 5 assignments due. but at the end of next week, pkc retreat. probably thats what i can look forward too. just pure rest and relax. and fun of course. finally. i'm still wondering if i should leave retreat on sat night to go for ezzat's party. mm. i'll decide when the time comes la. haha. i saw randee when i was out with clem today. it was so hilarious seeing her in the middle of no where.

i better go sleep now, trying to download adobe flash so i can watch vids on youtube. ugh, it's been half an hr but it's still at 33%!! think i'll just leave my netbook on for the night. haha. grace wants me to wear green tmr. but the only green i have is, my exze tshirt? haha. o well. nights my lovely world. it's been a great day today. (:

the heart & the mind.

2009-07-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

i don't like to find myself explaining myself to people.
it's as though i'm trying to clear my name or something when i didn't do anything wrong. did i?

it wasn't all the scoldings. it was the moment one tells me he understands and that he trusts me that tears would start flowing down my cheeks. well that's when i feel most comforted. i always thought i was strong enough, that's why all the holding back of tears even infront of confrontations, even when facing crap from people. but never did i realise words of comfort is what would allow me to let my guard down.

and just cry.

people tend to see all the ugly sides of something, all the disfigured, or maybe there was just a little scar, but yet they shriek. why don't they turn the image and see how beautiful the other side is, and praise? i get alot of comments, but none are words of appreciation. and i thought you would know best since you were once in my shoes.

sometimes i wonder if my life would be easier if i hadn't got into this from the very beginning.
sometimes i wonder if i know why i'm doing all this.
sometimes i just get confused, and turn to God.
Is this what You want me to do? I assume so, so i carry on.
Even though it's not easy and it's not gonna be, but i will keep trying, my love.

I thought maybe if i use a bit of love to do things, for everyone. it'd all be easier, and i'd be happier. because love is above all. as God is love. but what i get back is that it's all not enough. maybe love won't allow me to see things at all possible angles. sad to say, but maybe just love, is not enough. I guess i just got to use my head still, instead of my heart.

sometimes the truth hits you so bad. like how the speakers are first turned on and music floats the place. your head just can't take it. but your heart is what will carry you further.

dad & mom.

2009-06-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

hello my not so but pretty dead blog, i'm here to revive you again.

guess what, i actually typed a pretty long post but i accidentally posted on sdz's blog instead, so i quickly deleted it and now it's gone. so i guess i just gotta type it all again down here. how smart.

i had some difficulties trying to log in to post in blogger. i guess it's probably due to my super long password. my blogger password's pretty long. i always have to type it t least thrice cause i always type it wrongly the first 2 times. on days i have not so sparstic typing skills then maybe can on the second time. haha. whenever i type my password in front of people they'd go, 'wa, your password so long ah.' dono leh, i just have to have a long password, but yet it's easy to remember for me. maybe im beginning to build mistrust and suspicion, okay think i've been studying too much. haha.

wierd. i was studying on cardiovascular diseases when i heard about micheal jackson's death. cardiarc arrest. though it's not in my textbook i did go and google it. haha who knows it might come out in friday's paper. ugh, come to think of friday's paper i've yet to revise for it. nothing went into my brain at all when i was studying! 'the brain has unlimited capacity.', i keep telling myself.

i was picnicing with clem today when i saw a beautiful sight. it was this baby trying to walk on the sand. it was juggling on his two cute feet, tripping slightly towards his family on the fine sand. mummy was watching over him from afar. it was so uber duper adorable. i couldn't really see the gender from afar but i'd just presume he's a boy anyway. then suddenly, daddy picked him up and tossed him in the air! clem and i stared blanky for a few seconds and then all the 'walao eh..', 'wad the...', 'wa...' came. it's just shocking to me how daddy tossed him in the sky and catched him, tossed him around his own body and still laughing all so confidently. well, i was pretty shocked. but clem told me it's normal for a daddy to do that cause the babies like it. then i said, 'mummies won't do that.'

it's true isn't it? you don't really see mummies tossing their babies in the air do confidently and assuredly do you? but daddies do. to babies, daddies are always the more fun one. at least when i was a baby that's what i thought. they'd laugh and play with them, bring them out to play and swim and do stuns. but mummies won't. mummies are just too anxious and paranoid to risk their babies' safety. not that daddies don't care. probably they just wanna see their babies laugh and love them. well, at least i know i won't toss my baby in the air when i do have a baby. haha.

everyday i learn something new. not bad eh. but it's getting late, i'd end here. i'm suppose to help mum clean up the construction site-like house tmr, finally the renovation of my new bathroom is done! no more construction works and i can find sleep late without getting woken up by the drillings! i'm tired, and so is that daniel who has been bullying me for the past hour! (i know you're reading this! hahahaha.)
go sleep la! (:

id be buying my new cap tmr. (:

i feel till i don't.

2009-06-25T03:58:00.000-07:00

thanks to the people around me, i'm back up again.

i don't feel like psoting emo stuff but i can't help it. haha. it's like whenever i feel like posting it's actually the times when i feel emo. my blog is so screwed. sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads this stuff? haha. actually there are some who care out there. during marina barrage performance i was pretty shocked when jon msged me about my sad posts and asked me to cheer up. thanks jon.

i was busy with marina barrage performance. didn't study much last week.
i need to study for two papers for next week.
next week is the week school reopens.
i'm having hospice drama rehearsal. but we're not really doing much.
drama performance somewhere in august.
gonna have many more rehearsals when school reopens.
i'm having dance committee meeting today.
havent planned what i wanna tell the comm. though i know there are lots to talk.
i've been thinking about what tbg is gonna be like this sunday. and who i'd be going there with.
i suddenly miss shermain.
i'm wondering why clem isn't repying my msg.
i havent read my bible today.
i'm feeling cold.

i've been analyzing my emotions constantly these days. something i know someone won't do. something i dont know if i should be doing. but if i don't i'd feel empty. and very messy. i feel like eating fish and chips now. haha.

someone just taught me some stuff about love.
'love is suffering. love is patient. love is sacrifice.'
i realise i havent really been knowing how to love. do we all?
so easy to talk about, so easy to think about, so hard to do it.

you know i've been feeling quite heavy. even though i think i lost weight. but heavy as in, there's so many things to carry on my shoulders. i'm not that tired. but i've been really lazy to carry these stuff. and dragging it around. i haven't felt light for a very long time. there're so many datelines to meet. i wonder if time is almost up for me now. probably that's my worry. time. time will tell many many things.

God will show it through time. all the decisions i make and made. God will tell me through time. if it's right.

my awesome.

2009-05-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

my world has changed again.

i haven spent one minute not thinking about this,
wondering if i made the right decision.
wondering if it's all gonna be okay.
when i think of that look on your face,
and those tears in your eyes.
i can't help but eat in,
the heartache. the pain.

i never saw you this important.
till i decided to let you go.
But i guess this would be the best
for us, for now.
well. what i can do,
is to fill my head up with work.
so i won't keep thinking.
keep thinking of you.
keep thinking of how.
how i lost.
the person who loves me the most.

just close your eyes,
each loving day
and know this feeling won't go away.

till the day my life is through,
this is promise you.

it's been 2 days.
and i still do tear for you.

the journey begins here.

2009-04-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

i found out so many things yesterday, i realise how sad it is to be in my position. and how heavy my world has become. i begin to love so many people in sdz. but i hate to see how some people manipulate people. it's disgusting.

i found out i made a huge mistake to one of the nicest people ever. uncle kenneth. who i've all along respected. i'm glad i manage to pluck up enough courage to apologise and talk to him. i would never ever wanna lose this awesome friend. the talk went pretty well, he understood and forgave me. i was happy, though i still cried all the way when i was walking out to the train station. it's just so many mixed emotions filling me up. i was happy knowing i'd be closer to uncle, but yet i feel lousy as a president, like i haven't even really started and i'm already making mistakes. and the knowledge that there're gonna be so many stepes to take before me, and so many obstacles blocking my path. it's gonna be all up to me to support myself. because it's gonna be so hard to trust people. and for them to trust me.

when i walked out to the train station i saw the shermain, louis they all waiting for me. suddenly i felt that warm sense of care. i wondered why they would wait for me when most of us were gonna take different trains. and they said they were worried about me. i felt really touched. really. thanks shermain for being there to make me laugh and lighten my mind. i thought there would be noone i could rely on, but at least you're here with me from the start, and hopefully all the way. when i think about certain people i might lose through walking this path in the future, i can't help but feel sad. i love you guys, i don't want things to change. i need all of you to help me. and stay by me. because it's gonna be tough. like what schizo said. it's gonna be tough. i thank God for some of you. shermain. louis. jiawen. i feel a lot better today.

things are gonna be fine. i just need to add in more love. because it's the only way i can see what's good for the club. help me love you guys more Lord. teach me what You really are Lord, for You are love.

it's so wierd how on some days i can be running around having so many things to do while on other days i suddenly have nothing to do. i even sat down in clubhouse today and wondered, why am i so free now? it's just so wierd. i thought i've many things to do. and the next thing i know, work starts coming in. and all these time, i'm alone. the loneliness starts flowing in slowly. not at the beginning, but after a while. because everything is based on me. and so to a certain extent, i work alone. even though i have others. but working with others still makes me feel lonely. because it's work. i wanna bond man. i want bonding time. i don't wanna work and work. it's just so sad. but at the same time, i'm so tired. haven't even made up the lost sleep from dance prep. ugh.

Lord, give me time for myself. to recuperate my energy level. grant me strength to walk on.

on days like these i miss you more.

2009-04-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

i feel really useless. i need to love you guys. i can't just do this for the sake of it. help me Lord. don't let me break down.

the meaning of exze.

2009-04-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

hey peeps, my bro has taken away my laptop for work use. i've no more laptop. ): BOOHOO. that explains a quarter of the reason why i haven been posting. other 3/4 boils down to the 2 camps i've been busy with for union. and dance stuff.

i know i can't handle both. i already cant take it. i rather concentrate on just one than to neglect any of them. both are my heart and blood.

i never knew i would get so close to people in union. it was exze that brought me to realise how awesome a relationship can be. today i was at fop decor. and i was listening to edwin's usual random comments and laughing at jerome's retardness. i then realise, it's so amazing how this little unique people with their individually different characteristics come together and have so much fun. im amazed at just these people themselves. just this very human organism. it's so amazing. God is so amazing.

in my 17 years of living, i never really look at a person and realise how beautiful he or she can be. until now. and i guess it's these beautiful people coming together that brought about my feelings for all of them. and that's not it.

i realise exze is different from other groups of people in my social life. their different from dadp and even other union people.

they dont judge.

we laugh about each others characteristics and tease maturely about our strengths and weaknesses. it's our hidden maturity that is making conversations so fun between us. there isn't really any time where we point out someone's difference with the rest and ostracise him or her. because we have found ourselves to be one big family. to love each other. really. i never found myself loving a bunch of friends so much this way before. untill now. i would tear for them. i would.

you know guys. you showed me what a relationship is. i dont wanna mention the word friendship because it doesnt feel enough to explain us. it's just the feeling you guys give me, and how i feel about myself when i am with you guys.

i would love to work in many other projects with you guys as a team, as gps, as gls, whatever, as exze. but i can't. i need to concentrate on sdz. because you guys are my love. but sdz is my commitment.

anyway, i'd always be floating around i guess. wont leave you all. (:

exze rocks my world big time. literally. (:

ouch ouch ouch.

2009-03-19T01:15:00.000-07:00

yesterday's dance training was torturing again. bin once again gave us hell. push-ups that never seemed to end. and all that stretching. but uncle taught us a really nice choreo. and in girl's hiphop khai continued her circus choreo. it was all fun and happy until i woke up this morning.

goodness gracious. i feel as though i tore every single muscle in my body. think my muscles not used to trainings like that. every inch i moved on my bed hurt. i woke up and slept and woke up and slept. but just couldn't get out of bed. only managed to i think around 12 noon? i got up and did some stretching to reduce the aches. walk to the toilet and that's when i felt the nagging, numbing ache on my left lower back. my old injury was back. sigh.

i remember how i sobbed in the hospital when the doctor told me i had to stop dancing and rest. that time i was having SYF in school so after that i rested, i think. but now that i want to continue dancing , please, pain, will you go away? if mummy finds out she's gonna ban me from dancing. and that would be the end of me.

and so today i was actually planning to head down to queensway to get some cheap fbts to last me for my camps that're starting this weekend, but even walking around the house exerted enough pressure on my back. sob. so i stayed home the whole first half of the day. later there's still gp training. sigh. hope it's gonna be fine.

mel wanted another day for teaching her choreo and i stupidly suggested saturdays cause i remembered that popping class would be using mph, so we could share. i totally forgot that im gonna be in camp the coming 2 saturdays! and i wanna be in mel's choreo! boohoo. this has been on my mind the whole night, think i can only talk to schizo and see if he can let me out of camp for a few hours. it's getting more and more difficult to balance dance and union. im just glad schizo's in union too, then at least he would understand all my excuses. haha. am i making use of the fact that he's dance president in dance and gp ic in union's fo? haha lalala. i keep putting him in the dilemma. haha sorry schizo!

there're alot of things i wanna do this holiday. i wanna meet up with so many people: randee & ezzat, michelle, clem, pengpeng, nathan. wanted to do that all next week, but why the hell must gp trainings be on evenings. spoiling all my plans. and i cant even meet up with qiangqiang like that too. ugh.

oh anyway something happy. i got back my results and i'm pretty glad with them. though gavin's results keep demoralising me, heck care him la. i worked hard and i deserve a pat! mummy wants to celebrate but then again, i wonder when i would have the time to.

and qiangqiang ah, you also another busy one. sighs. how are we going to celebrate this sunday's occasion mm? (:

missing you on days i don't see you.

that's it?

2009-03-02T01:31:00.000-08:00

new updates: i shopped at topshop!

but i went alone. i know i've always preferred shopping alone, but that day felt really really lonely.

"i know i have something to do, but i just can't remember what."

this phrase keeps ringing through my head every now and then. it's like, it's not literally cannot remember, it's more of "i should be having something to do, why don't i?".

actually union's giving us a lot of things to do recently. and probably this period of time is the time i can commit to union the most. be there are still times where i wonder if this is it. I'm looking forward to FO camp, but i still haven found a way to tackle the problem i'd be facing. it's gonna be so awkward.

today i was asked to vote for the next union president. i wanted to vote for him. cause i know he's capable. but looks like recently he's been mia alot, according to what everyone says. he used to tell me he's the kind who would 'gong si fen ming', personal stuff would not affect his work. but looks like he was so wrong. i didn't vote for him in the end. cause he's become less involved in union.

i was thinking today when i spoke to joey, i feel a little guilty sometimes, i guess it's my fault that he's become like that. that he's life is changed.

when i heard the rest talk about him today during evaluation meeting, i can't help looking down, somehow i feel that marcus knows something. and that at the corner of his eye he's shooting at me "it's all your fault gail! we've lost a talent because of you!"

i never thought i would ever be such a big influence in anyone's life.

"The sky keeps rumbling but it never tears" says Gareth, my brother.

who says so. it's been raining like everyday la. i shared my new unbrella with this lady that day when i was shopping alone. from now on, i would make it a point to share my umbrella with anyone on the streets who needs to cross a pathetic street that's unsheltered. because i totally know how it feels to be stuck somewhere when it's pouring.

but of course that's provided i myself remember to bring my umbrella. standard things to bring out wherever i go: wallet, handphone, keys, UMBRELLA.

it's 6.17. qiangqiang's having his paper now. all the best to him!

I've been praying for him really hard these days. just so that God would soften his heart. hope He answers my prayers.
On sunday i suddenly had a mental imagination of apocalypse. it was the end of the world. as what God has said. First person i thought of was qiangqiang. in my mental imagination i was crying to him, telling him all about God. hoping and praying he would change his mind. just cannot imagine that that was actually the last day he could do that. it was a horrible thought. but still i enjoyed myself on Sunday like i always do.

anyway, juggy! if you're reading this, i feel so happy for you! you've found love! wish you and ethel, happy always! ethel's a nice girl, treasure her! (:

and...
i'm missing you real badly. but i got to be patient i know that. jiayou! (:

rain down on me.

2009-02-25T22:50:00.000-08:00

im currently sitting at toa payoh north under some hdb flat alone. supposed to go over to building 970 to Bideas for banner and tshirt printing. but it started raining super heavily all of a sudden. now im stranded just opposite Bideas building. i should have known that it's time for me to bring an umbrella out. and why can't they just build an overhead bridge or some shelter for me to cross this road without getting wet! ugh.

i've my lappy with me. and surprisingly i could connect to some guy's wireless. haha. at least i've something to do while waiting . Dear Lord please let the rain stop. or let an umbrella appear in front of me. this place is wierd. can't even see a cab around.

sigh, it's almost 3pm now. and i'm hungry. ):

listening to carrie underwood's inside your heaven.

ugh i can't wait already la! should i just run through the rain?? i brought an extra shirt actually. or maybe i'd just wait a little while more. maybe a kind soul will approach me and offer his umbrella. hahahaha.

yay. (:

2009-02-24T03:42:00.000-08:00

hoorayy ! it's the end of suffering of year one.

EXAMS ARE OVER.

woohoo!!! are you rejoicing with me people!!? haha.

today is the first day i finally rested after a long long time. ive been rushing assignments after assignments and worrying about datelines and mugging for papers. kinda neglected this space. and some other people too. sorry guys!

i slept in today, so much stress to finally put down. and now my head's aching. and though this holiday consists of some other datelines and camps, it's gonna be a fun one. i know that. and though qiangqiang's exams are coming. ): i'm happy for the little bits of free times we share.

spent the day watching videos and movies. korkor showed me the movie 'blindness'. and i was pretty amazed by it. was on how people in a city slowly turn blind one by one and how they help each other or turn against each other because of this crisis. so much analysis on human behaviour and desperation. nice show. go download and watch it people! (:

my tongue has been aching the whole day, like i burnt it yesterday or something. but i didn't leh. ugh. maybe i'm allergic to something i ate. or maybe i ate too much chocolates. haha.

guess i need to start packing my room tomorrow. >< felt like i just wasted the day away, haha. never mind, many more days to come !

didi and korkor.

2009-02-01T01:06:00.000-08:00

im suppose to rush my rwp report now and finish it today cause the whole week that's coming would be packed. but i just feel like popping by here.

i saw in pkc today this pair of twins. didi and korkor were playing games during games time. and i think korkor accidentally hit didi really really hard in the tummy. i didn't really see. just saw teacher judy going over to didi to comfort him. i saw those eyes staring at korkor really angrily. as though he was possessed by some demon. you know when the eyes go right up to the top of the eyelid there. very scary lo. and didi was just like 7 years old or something? it's really as though the devil was taking over. i remember really long ago clem told me that a person would show his true colours when he/she is angry. i guess when one person allow his emotions to get so angry, it's like opening the door to the devil. and the bad side would come out. at that point of time, i thought of myself when i was a child. i don't remember me showing so much anger to my brothers before. maybe there were times, but none that left a great impression. even when gavin elbowed me in the nose till i bled i would still say it was okay just so mummy won't scold him. i think, i'm really easy to bully lo. it's time i stand up for myself gail!

back to the story, and yea, didi then sat one corner by the wall and refused to join in praise and worship. i know he was fuming so i left him alone and went to do backup singing. until pastor yvonne looked at me and then looked at him, as though she wants me to do something to get him to do pnw. so i bent down to the floor and spoke to him. i asked him if he wants to sing along. and he was still angry. i asked if he was still angry, and he nodded slightly. i told him that Jesus says we should forgive and forget. and he kept quiet. then i said that korkor didn't do it on purpose. and he kept quiet again. but the angry eyes had faded away slowly. so i asked again if he wants to do pnw and i tugged him to get up. but he still didn't want to. so i left him alone. the next thing i know was his korkor going up to him and they were playing as usual.

that's the wonderful thing about children. they don't hold grudges for long. and maybe they just don't remember. and playing is more important to them then being angry.

and that's the wonderful thing about God, he blesses these children so much he doesn't let the devil stay in them for long.

but for us, now that we've all grown up. God molds us to be more mature at a certain age. such that we can decide for ourselves whether we want the devil to stay in us or not. and we've to make good choices.

what a random post. hahaha.

drowning under the papers.

2009-01-31T22:10:00.000-08:00

sorry i haven been updating. i have so many things to update but i just can't find the time. actually it's not that i can't find the time. it's just the workload that's piling up. i'd feel guilty if i spend free time posting instead of doing my work.

these are the things i want to talk about when i've the time, if i can find any.

the most awesome bday celebration by michelle & friends.
10/10

remind me kay?

next week is hell week for dadp, or at least for me.

monday: do ED and Ethics.
tuesday: Ethics due. do GEMS.
wednesday: ED due. dance.
thursday: IDEAS and Juno case discussion due. complete RWP and CSS report. KAT meeting.
friday: RWP and CSS report due. GP training.

other assignments:
DD & Ethics journals : due end of term
ED annotated bibliography : due 13 feb
study for CSS, RM1, ILP paper : due 17, 20, 23 feb

and i thought last week was hell.

today i went qiangqiang's place to bai nian. ponned fo outing and DD meeting just for this. haha. i feel so guilty, only brought one pair of oranges but received 3 ang baos. qiangqiang's popo speaks hokkien, looks like i need to learn hokkien now. aunty was really nice though, well, at least i could talk to her in chinese comfortably. i guess. haha, cause im beginning to sound more and more like randee when i speak chinese. it comes out like word by word. randee influence. haha.

anyway baby, don't worry. i've been thinking about your parents, & i don't want religion to be a problem. definitely not between us.

qiangqiang then went for funkamania and i went home. i so wanna be 18 quick! ):

when i was keeping my angbaos later at night, i opened my locker at home under my closet and i found many things. i realise what an old lady i am, keeping all these junk around in the room, that's what old people like to do right? haha, just can't bring myself to throw them away.

i found this book called 'the fairy maiden'. it's this colourful and cute little book. i almost forgot what it's for until i saw all my 5-1 and 6a's primary school friends' names. this book was actually what we used to have, passing around for classmates, schoolmates to write their particulars, favourites, etc etc. this is so cute la. i read some of it and slowly memories came back. all the stupid lame jokes like 'what 's the most dangerous city?- electricity!'

goodness.

what was i thinking last time. haha. i would straight away turn to the part where they rate their friends according to who is 100% all the way till 0% friends. most of us just honestly scribble down like, 0% is sibi or the china boys. haha. but now that i think of it it sounds so funny. and the last part where people like to thank me so very gratefully for 'letting them write in my book'. actually what's so cool about it?

but you know what, it is this kinda things that we would laugh at when we talk about it now. that helps us recall what kind of kids we all were. i still remember qiaoting reading out miao ran's book and us laughing at the stupid and childish stuff we wrote. come on, that is like 5 to 6 years back. i miss 6a. it's like even when we all came back together a few weeks ago to catch up, we still clique pretty well! haha. i miss talking to jieheng and qiaoting. i miss the way marilyn laughs. and the way zhanyong bullies me. haha. cuteness.

it's time to sleep. got church tmr.

just when i thought i could sit back and relax.

SPSU Appreciation Dinner 26122008

2008-12-29T22:31:00.000-08:00

my schedule fast forward a bit. cuz people asking for AD photos.

Yangsu ! haha nah la, here are all the photos for Appreciation Dinner. which i would be uploading in facebook as well. here's just for those who dont' have facebook like you. up for grab ! haha. thanks for taking care of me that night anyway. love you!

joey and i !

daddy and i !

ben and i ! he looks like he's gonna get married !

yang su and i !

our rose tattoos !

aisyah and i !

daddy again !

sasi and i !

lingyi and i !

celeste and i ! you look hot btw !

me, rena, lingyi, celeste !

yang su !

and yes yes the four of us camwhoring in the toilet !

ugh, cant seem to rotate this photo. but sistas, you girls look gorgeous ! (:

i had great fun that day, i'd make this post better tmr, really tired tonyt.

and all the workload's piling to my nose. Dear Lord, guild me through this. Amen.

St Luke's Party. 19th Dec 2008

2008-12-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

on the 19th of december

Wee Peng, Khai and i have been working on our St Luke's eldercare project for weeks and i have been most worried about it. it dragged into our holidays and all. and finally the last day was here. the St Luke's Christmas Party!

we got our sponsor, oh that reminds me that i haven sent PS 1 a thank you email. oops. but, they were pretty nice, sponsored quite alot of things. though it seemed more like the lady boss was trying to clear her stock. haha. but then again, if not for PS 1, we would not even have made up a goody bag to give away during the party. ooh and before the party we watched Money No enough 2 at St Luke's with the elderly. it was a really funny show, and i realise shanice from PKC is acting in it. what a cute girl she is. talented and pretty.

and then came the time to do our make up for the party. fellow clowns and elves! i've never done makeup using face paint for clowns and elves before. i was so hesitant to start.

firstly, i did my bro's makeup...

this is his makeup half done.

this is his make up fully done!

and then i went on to do Wee Peng's...

and here he is ! like some football fanatic. haha.

and this is khai's makeup..

and this is me done up !

my bro dressed up and in role !

and the rest of us, me, weepeng and khai as well ! check out wee peng's dope outfit !

and so the show began. we started folding balloon models taught by my bro for the elderly. and soon enough, the balloons became really popular, we had orders for doggys, mice, flowers and teddy bears ! it was funny how the 3 of us didn't know how to make teddy bear and bombarded my bro with the many orders for bears.

and then Ms Lee came to see us !

i folded her a balloon too !

the centre was crowded with people, family members and elderly.

the clown caught eating !

us with an adorable granny!

us with one of the elderly's grand daughter ! this girl was very fascinated by my bro's balloons, or maybe.. it was my bro. (:

Wee Peng's cute shots. in the wall.

my bro in the wall.

me in the wall.

and the following are our model shots.

and this is the beautiful christmas tree there.

with Wee Peng slacking beside it.

And me, caught !

us with a caregiver there.

us with santa claus there..

and us camwhoring !

and this sweet granny here reminds me of my own grandmama. (: think im gonna miss her so bad..

we had a long and tiring day. but yet it was satisfying, though some stuff didnt go so well like the sponsored items and with Agnes..

there was a major problem still, and that was how we were gonna stop volunteering.. but looks like it's fine now. though i still think of the elderly there..

well for now, i wanna thank Pastor Yvonne for allowing me to borrow the 4 suits from PKC. and my bro for helping me with this project, in the teaching of balloon modelling, to juggling, and just being there. he made the day. thankyou kor ! to Ms Lee, thanks for spending so much time with our group, and all the rides to and fro the sponsor's companies. and for all the advice. this doesn't seem like a project anymore. (: and to Wee Peng and Khai of course. thanks for.. being there. everything worked out because of you guys. (:

Dear Lord, may you look after St Luke's and the people there, keep the clients healthy and the staff strong in Your name, take care of the place for they have faith in You. build their faith and keep them happy. Amen.

NRA danzation. (:

2008-12-29T16:46:00.000-08:00

hey people of my world, im currently in my class now, not really having a class though, waiting for my turn for consultation with ms Chang. Im feeling slightly worried that my essay isn't good enough to earn me an A. really really need this A. so to keep my mind from wondering to calm myself down, i shall update the post that i've beem owing this blog of mine.

i wanted to share with you guys my experience at NRA danzation remember? on the 20th of December in my hols. i went ngee ann polytechnic to attend their concert. as usual we had to queue, but thanks to belle for choppin seats for us, us meaning shermain, ah thye, qiangqiang and i. (: the dance started out okay.. first half was pretty good. but second half, was darn dope. i love the story line, and though the sudden change in story wasnt very smooth, and it was very obvious that they just wanted us to feel touched or 'emo' with the sad story.. the dances were great. and guess who i found myself looking out for? crystal lum. i'm actually a little shocked that she would actually join NRA. never saw her dancing hip hop in my life and i could never imagine seeing her dance hip hop. she was always a moderner/ballerina to me. but before the concert started, she actually texted me to look for her after the performance, it was as though she knew there'd be no one else who would. but im not even close to her. but in a way, i was looking forward to seeing how her life is like now. now that she's moved on from commonwealth to a polytechnic. maybe she's changed. tho i really doubt it. before the concert and during the interval, all so naturally, we started taking photos.

shermain sweetheart !

qiangqiang !

that's the stage, it was pretty big actually.

DANZATION.

my dearest cousin !

shermain & janice !

the 3 of us !

von and shermain with their matching outfits !

von & i !

jughead !

jamie !

and that's crystal !

i'm glad i went for the show, was pretty worth it though tickets were the most expensive as compared to nyp's and sp's production. but i learnt alot. i realised how much sdz needs to improve. cause everyone else is improving. we need to practise people! and we'd bring in a much much better waves 14 next year! which is actually coming in 2 days time! time flies man. this period of time is sufficient for us to improve. but we cant laze anymore.

should i go for dance training this wed ? it's new year's eve know... haha, so much for 'we can't laze anymore'. lol.

and i miss shermain and jan, my pretty darlings. (:

14122008

2008-12-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

what happen on my actual birthday then?

i.. went to church!

cause it was a Sunday!

and i happily bounced around quietly, thanking those few who actually approached me and wished me. Wenjing just refused to wish me. it was pretty obvious she had something prepared. just don't wanna say. haha. but sadly, silly weiyi spoiled the fun by leaking out a little here and there. cute sia she.

after service before rehearsals start and while we lunched, weiyi made me sit at the center of the table, and everyone was quiet. was a little awkward though.

and then out came the humongous fully chocolate cake!

haha. sing song and make wish and blow candles and cut cake and blah blah blah.

and when i finally took a look at the cake, i was glad. cause it said.

i suddenly feel that pkc is really part of my life, part of me. somewhere i could find the joy, and the peace i can't find in school or in class. where everyone's just focusing on God and God alone. and all our worries are left outside the door before we step in. and all our burdens are lifted up to Him. thank you paul for the cake and everyone for the presents. samuel for the delivery of presents and clement for the prettiest bouquet i've ever received. love you peeps soooo much!

then i was on my way to meeting scaliger at bugis for steamboat! it's actually quite weird that im celebrating my birthday with them, not qiangqiang, not mummy, not michelle and renwei, but with pkc and scaliger. never did i expect this year to be this way. but i didn't regret meeting them that day. they're another bunch of awesome people i can feel so natural with. just look at our dumb and cute photos!

darren!

jerome and darren! and my balloon!

them gaying around.

sheryl and i!

daddy and darren!

what's with the watermelon!

eugene, mummy, shona, jerome, sherwyn. (:

daddy and darren acting dumb.

our prawn graveyard!

my present from daddy and brothers, (:

not forgetting the balloon from the rest! (:

munch munch*

eugene(2nd daddy) and mummy, evidence ! o:

then we went to some really really good dessert stall. and ate AGAIN!

shona, sheryl and i! missing celeste! ):

me and sheryl's mess.

SCALIGER! (half of us) (:

thank you guys for rounding up my birthday and making it so fantastic.
XOXO. (:(:

what do surprises... mean ?

2008-12-15T22:40:00.000-08:00

this year's birthday feels so different from the other years.. maybe it's just the change in the people around me.. people leaving my life, and people appearing in my life. can't seem to get used to it. though it's a more joyful arrangement.

celebrated with qiang qiang on the 13th, the eve of my birthday (according to him). at first i didn't feel like it was an occasion worth celebrating, maybe.. just maybe it's not really the actual day yet. and of course all the work load, not really weighing me down that day, but still at the back of my mind.

somehow i knew there was more to it then just the day and the workload.

then came the appearing and amazing still-no-idea from where flowers. a white lily in a bouquet.

hey, im still very amazed by how it appeared la. sickening qiangqiang.
then there was the orchard walk.

walked till far east, and that's where i got the awesome red streak of hair.

nope, it's not a highlight. it's my new hair extension!

then we sat down at starbucks to chill.

and of course to cam-whore (as usual)

evidence of cam-whoring!

later in the evening we made our way down to clark quey. (cause assumingly i said i wanted to be near waters.) and we hunted central for a place to settle dinner. we went up and down and up and down, not knowing what to eat, and finally, we saw Waraku. qiang qiang excitedly rushed over and said super confidently to the host, "yes, i've a reservation under marcus."
kns right? i was stunned for a moment. and then i realise it's another of his cute tricks. i gave him a deadly stare as the host said "yes, you asked for a window seat right sir?"

haha. silly you. should have guessed all these. the awesome window seats directly facing the Singapore River and all the beautiful lightings. i should have taken a picture of it. and the everchanging colours on the bridge and by the river. i bet this is the best restaurant in Central. plus the awesome food!

this is the size of their bowls.

i've no idea why though, doesn't it then emphasize how little the food inside is? but it was super filling la actually.

qiang qiang then wanted to go toilet, and disappeared for super super super super long. i already had my bowls cleared and all that, but he still wasn't back. so i waited and waited. and out he came with this.

this is elmo cake before and after being bitten. oh, and his shocked and 'dont eat me' look before i bit him. poor elmo cupcake.

after dinner we settled down by the river. then out came the next surprise.

my present!

reached home earlier that day. mum even asked why i'm home so early. haha!

at least i went home smiling that day. (:

the week.

2008-12-14T09:56:00.001-08:00

I've been having so many dance concerts this holiday. and many cam-whoring moments with my darlings in my life.

Firstly, on monday night, Oschool Recital !
before recital in vivocity. supposed to look for a gift for the guys, but end up camwhoring in one of the pretty toilets. haha.

and then shermain and i went to find balloons for the guys for their expected outstanding performance. hahaha.

i didn't just get you You're Awesome for nothing. (:

and then on thursday, randee and ezzat asked me out ! haha kay la, was supposed to do research for litreview at bugis lib. but didn't do much. moved over to esplanade when qiangqiang came to meet us. haha, meet the parents session. how awesome parents i have eh. heh. anyway, just wanna tell you two people that you're appreciated. when i read your card i felt like tearing ranran, haha. probably it's just that i haven't felt so cared for for so long since i came into sp. everyone's just in their own world, fending for themselves all the time. though it may seem like just a bag of chocolates and goodies you gave me, i could see the effort and thought. especially in that little (actually quite big) card. you guys are one in a million, too. (:

here comes friday!..
and then came the...

!!

i sat with my sweetheart shermain as usual,

and of course qiangqiang.

and..

FB was darn dope !

lookin forward to next week's nra daannzzaaattiiiooonnn !

(:

the strain.

2008-12-09T11:21:00.000-08:00

finally Rm1 and ILP presentation is over !

the horrible night i had last night rushing the freakin script. if only Khai helped me by summarising the parts for the Past Research part. she just made life difficult for me. UGH. why cant some people just be nicer to me !?

but anyway it's over. though some of our data and our graph screwed up. okay, that's actually quite alot. im getting a lil worried about my grades next sem. why is it so tough being in this course.

then there is the St Luke's project. by rights.. my CIP hours for CD is done. and i can actually stop going for visits and doing things for St Luke's.. But i guess it's just not very nice for Wee Peng and i to reject them when they wanted us to help put up a performance on the 19th. which is next week, (and we haven planned much). thought of our popping piece, but unfortunately the 19th is NRA concert day. we're left with 4 miserable poppers to perform. so, it's cancelled. poor poor Weepin, Khai and i have to do everything. probably i'd get my brother. who can act as a clown. since he is so much one. the strenuous part is when we've to get sponsors to sponsor door gifts. in one freakin week and we haven't got any sponsors who've agreed. who the heck suggested sponsors ! actually i think it was me. UGH.

sometimes i think im too ambitious. agreeing to almost everything not realising that it'd add on to my burdens and weights.

then there are 2 essays to be done by sch reopens, and loads of notes to do for my studying for next term. my thin piece of A4 size schedule-on-a-paper feels heavier.

to all the people i've been ignoring your texts on msn or sms or have been taking forever to give you a reply, im sorry. to qiangqiang as well. sorry that i seem so busy these days.

help me Lord. take away the strain on my shoulders. Amen.

okay, now for the happy stuff. went out with nathan yesterday. The Soup Spoon was awesome !

this is my good friend, nathan !

thanks for the gift, the treat and the sunflower too. i enjoyed myself ! when are you getting new frames mm ?! (:

the question mark key.

2008-12-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

sometimes i really wonder what i'd be posting on this blog.

is everything really....

fresh again ?

22nd Nov's PunkLock performance !

2008-12-07T23:30:00.000-08:00

:here are the photos you guys asked for. i really enjoyed that day, thanks guys ! (:

jiawen hard at work !

cute ethel !

my favourite dancer in SDZ- Lumx2 !

the Hot Pink Stockings Gang!

our sexy legs.

the lockers !

moosh will so kill me.

von von darling. (:

qiang qiang!

i wasn't being pervertic ! nice legs though my girls !

jiawen !

jamie sweets !