the heart & the mind.

i don't like to find myself explaining myself to people.
it's as though i'm trying to clear my name or something when i didn't do anything wrong. did i?

it wasn't all the scoldings. it was the moment one tells me he understands and that he trusts me that tears would start flowing down my cheeks. well that's when i feel most comforted. i always thought i was strong enough, that's why all the holding back of tears even infront of confrontations, even when facing crap from people. but never did i realise words of comfort is what would allow me to let my guard down.

and just cry.


people tend to see all the ugly sides of something, all the disfigured, or maybe there was just a little scar, but yet they shriek. why don't they turn the image and see how beautiful the other side is, and praise? i get alot of comments, but none are words of appreciation. and i thought you would know best since you were once in my shoes.

sometimes i wonder if my life would be easier if i hadn't got into this from the very beginning.
sometimes i wonder if i know why i'm doing all this.
sometimes i just get confused, and turn to God.
Is this what You want me to do? I assume so, so i carry on.
Even though it's not easy and it's not gonna be, but i will keep trying, my love.

I thought maybe if i use a bit of love to do things, for everyone. it'd all be easier, and i'd be happier. because love is above all. as God is love. but what i get back is that it's all not enough. maybe love won't allow me to see things at all possible angles. sad to say, but maybe just love, is not enough. I guess i just got to use my head still, instead of my heart.


sometimes the truth hits you so bad. like how the speakers are first turned on and music floats the place. your head just can't take it. but your heart is what will carry you further.