painful thoughts

For Aihui,


suddenly thought of that day when i was sitting at the table outside fc6 with dadp, suddenly saw this group of people carrying cute big yellow glowing balloons. balloons just make my day. i immediately wanted one. and then i saw aihui, so i got one from her. my fellow dadpians were excited too. think its just a dadp thing. haha. then we took childish photos and everything. it was some campaign to choose to be happy or something. haha, so we 'chose' to be happy and happily took away the balloons and the smiley clips they gave us. haha, and this really nice namecard things that say:

whatever thoughts are causing you pain they are only thoughts. Happiness is a daily decision.

i suddenly think of Michelle when i read this. i used to tell her how we can control being happy or not. but now, it's me myself who can't seem to do it. Michelle darling, are you happy now? i hope you are. i'd be too.

i'd try.

i guess i've been thinking too much. cause there's just so much to think about. the worse thing is that, its not the work thats putting me down, it's the emotional factor in this whole process, where i'm not happy inside, but i am that you all are. where i face the loneliness, to take away yours. where i cannot afford to be disorganised just cause i'll lose out. not cause i'll fail, but cause i'd be lonely. where everything in this world is based on merit. and im not talking about studies. where i can't afford to be complacent, cause i'm simply not perfect. where i just..

need to keep reminding myself that.

yes, maybe i'm thinking too much, to hurt myself. i pray Lord you'd grant me more optimistism in my life.

cause wad's causing me pain are only thoughts, and i can control, happiness is a daily decision, it's my decision, gail.