the journey begins here.

i found out so many things yesterday, i realise how sad it is to be in my position. and how heavy my world has become. i begin to love so many people in sdz. but i hate to see how some people manipulate people. it's disgusting.

i found out i made a huge mistake to one of the nicest people ever. uncle kenneth. who i've all along respected. i'm glad i manage to pluck up enough courage to apologise and talk to him. i would never ever wanna lose this awesome friend. the talk went pretty well, he understood and forgave me. i was happy, though i still cried all the way when i was walking out to the train station. it's just so many mixed emotions filling me up. i was happy knowing i'd be closer to uncle, but yet i feel lousy as a president, like i haven't even really started and i'm already making mistakes. and the knowledge that there're gonna be so many stepes to take before me, and so many obstacles blocking my path. it's gonna be all up to me to support myself. because it's gonna be so hard to trust people. and for them to trust me.

when i walked out to the train station i saw the shermain, louis they all waiting for me. suddenly i felt that warm sense of care. i wondered why they would wait for me when most of us were gonna take different trains. and they said they were worried about me. i felt really touched. really. thanks shermain for being there to make me laugh and lighten my mind. i thought there would be noone i could rely on, but at least you're here with me from the start, and hopefully all the way. when i think about certain people i might lose through walking this path in the future, i can't help but feel sad. i love you guys, i don't want things to change. i need all of you to help me. and stay by me. because it's gonna be tough. like what schizo said. it's gonna be tough. i thank God for some of you. shermain. louis. jiawen. i feel a lot better today.

things are gonna be fine. i just need to add in more love. because it's the only way i can see what's good for the club. help me love you guys more Lord. teach me what You really are Lord, for You are love.

it's so wierd how on some days i can be running around having so many things to do while on other days i suddenly have nothing to do. i even sat down in clubhouse today and wondered, why am i so free now? it's just so wierd. i thought i've many things to do. and the next thing i know, work starts coming in. and all these time, i'm alone. the loneliness starts flowing in slowly. not at the beginning, but after a while. because everything is based on me. and so to a certain extent, i work alone. even though i have others. but working with others still makes me feel lonely. because it's work. i wanna bond man. i want bonding time. i don't wanna work and work. it's just so sad. but at the same time, i'm so tired. haven't even made up the lost sleep from dance prep. ugh.



Lord, give me time for myself. to recuperate my energy level. grant me strength to walk on.






on days like these i miss you more.